Summary

We create images of people based on our perceptions of what they say, their opinions, their actions, or anything else related to their being. We create opinions about those people. We create images based on impressions. Then we dehumanize people. We make people into ‘its’. We can also let ‘it’ go by relinquishing our power to dehumanize and returning to perceive people as human beings with characteristics, some of which we do not like. By rehumanizing people, we can reconnect with people and exercise our abilities to compromise and cooperate.

Learning to Let It Go for Mental Wellbeing

Let it go, let it go…

The expression is pithy. The song is ubiquitously known and has been translated into multiple languages. What is the core message of the expression and of the song?

Let’s explore learning to let it go for mental wellbeing.

Let It Go Means…

To let it go. Isn’t that clear enough?

Do not hold onto it.

What is ‘it’? Well, that is up to your imagination. Or your circumstance.

It can be a myriad of things. A thought. A relationship. A conflict. A disagreement. A belief. A goal. A value. A desire. A plan. A secret. A game. A dynamic. An object. A prize. An obstacle. A gift. A dream.

The commonality of the ‘it’s listed above is their power over you.

‘It’ Has Power

How can that be? How can a thought hold power over me? Does an obstacle have power? Where did a disagreement gain power?

You gave ‘it’ power. You allowed ‘it’ to dictate your behaviour. The actions you choose reflect the amount of power you have granted to ‘it’. The extent to which you attribute power to ‘it’ leads to the consequences of your interaction with ‘it’.

As an example, consider a person (call him Gianni) who does not like the opinion of a friend (call him Sven) on a certain issue. Gianni rewinds the words uttered by Sven in his head. Gianni attributes meaning to those words which is what we do with language. Gianni repeats the words in his head and hears a tone of voice which may or may not be the tone of voice employed by Sven when Sven spoke the words. The tone of voice may even alter the attributed meaning of the words. Sven’s words reiterated in Gianni’s mind create a larger scenario and then a worldview and eventually extend to everything about Sven as perceived by Gianni.

Sven’s words related to one opinion held by Sven. They now flavour Gianni’s global impression of Sven, to the point of Gianni being unable to tolerate the idea of Sven’s existence.

Bam. Gianni has progressed to hatred of Sven.

Reviewing and Revising the Evolution of ‘It’

Imagine that any one of us can go back in time to revise an ‘it’.

Deconstruct the entity ‘it’. Think how the ‘it’ acquired energy, meaning, influence, emotion, and flavour. We gave ‘it’ all of its power.

Now, we need to deflate our own ego and take accountability for the monster that ‘it’ has become. We can give ‘it’ power. We can extract the power from ‘it’. We recognize that we dehumanized the other and we attributed human characteristics to a thought, a belief, an obstacle, a dream, an opinion, an object. We anthropomorphosed the object in order to dump all of our hatred on the object. Then we equated the object with the person. That is how we arrived at hatred towards the person.

Thus, we have to admit that we went too far in our demonization of the Svens in our life. We dehumanized the Svens in our life.

To resolve this grave error, we need to revise our conceptualization of the ‘it’. Undo everything we have done to make the ‘it’ into a demon.

Pause. Reflect. See the person who is your friend. Remember the good times. Recall the shared moments.

Stop your ego from hijacking your common sense and depriving you of a friendship.

The Limbic System and Mental Wellbeing

What Gianni did mirrors what many of us do in our friendships, family relationships, and relationships with colleagues. We let our limbic system hijack the situation. Our frontal lobe is bypassed. We create scenarios from snippets of conversation which are not representative of the whole of our relationship with a person.

Then we create forts fully equipped with stone walls, cannons, flares, torches, steamrollers, backhoes, flints, dry wood, gasoline, machetes, and whatever we can find to stage a war.

Someone forgot the fire extinguishers, the water hoses, the olive branch, the dove, the mistletoe, and the white flag. Be brave and gather all of these items before your limbic system hijacks your frontal lobe.

Take a listen to the interview with Robert Sapolsky on the neuroscientific basis for hate.

Reach out and invite everyone to cultivate their mental wellbeing by engaging with you, in an effort to prevent our limbic systems from stirring chaos in the world.